Oh Phuk et

 Well the world turns, time marches on and once more January and its cold winds blow upon us. That can mean only one thing. Once the festivities and Yuletide splendours are but a distant memory it’s time to waltz our Matilda’s to warmer climbs and begin our next peregrinations.

I hate winter, not just a little , but with every fibre of my being. If I could live in a world of cloudless blue skies and sunny days I would never want to venture beyond the confines of my garden. Unfortunately being born into the northern hemisphere means that this is not an option. I’m fortunate in so much as Crispy feels the same so our wanderlust is matched. 

The destination for this winters ramblings are the Trang Islands. Southern Thailand. We have travelled through the lands north and south of this small collection of islands but never spent time or ventured amongst them. We are really excited because they look and sound amazing. They are the lesser known neighbours of the popular Andaman Islands of Kho Phi Phi and Kho Lanta.  The nearest international airport is on the very popular island of Phuket. A vibrant tourist centre and usually a place we would avoid. However it is close to where we are headed and is really well connected to the larger islands by ferry’s . 

We arrived last evening after a 14 hour journey from Manchester Via Doha. An uneventful flight with no significant trauma other than a 1 hour take off delay from Manchester that reduced our time in Doha to a dash from gate to gate. We didn’t get much sleep on the Manchester to Doha flight but made up for it on the Doha to Phuket flight. This was aided by our free upgrade by a very kind young man at Manchester as a Birthday present. The world is full of wonderful people.

I have arranged for us to stay in an old rice warehouse in the centre of the old town. Obviously it’s not a warehouse now but a small independent boutique hotel. It’s clean central and convenient. I think we are just going to kick back here while we get into the travelling mode before heading out towards the islands and  Trang.  The room is top floor with a balcony overlooking the popular walking street. A favourite day trip for the tourists staying in the busy modern resort of Patang on the opposite coast. A weekly night market is held here every Sunday but as we leave Sunday morning for our first ferry then we are going to miss it. There are other night markets and I’m sure we will stumble across one. We don’t want to shop as they are usually full of tourist tat but they are great for authentic street food at really cheap prices. 

We slept really well after a bite to eat and a couple of beers in a local bar and awoke early fully refreshed.

The temp is around the early thirties but here we have the luxury of air con so sleeping is easy. I know some of the places we will be staying won’t afford us this luxury but at the moment we are very grateful for it until we acclimatise ourselves into tropical mode. 

This morning we showered performed our required ablutions and set off onto the streets to do a little exploring. It’s an amazing place full of old colonial buildings and narrow streets. Similar in many ways to other colonial ports we have stayed in such as Georgetown, Malaysia and Cochin, Kerala. They are strangely comforting and welcoming. We have visited these places for many years now and although we have never been here before it really does feel like coming home.

Now seems a good time to discuss “The contraband”. Thailand , like most South Asian countries has taken a very firm stance on the use of E cigs. Since 2014 they have been illegal here and possession or use of said items can lead to severe fines and even imprisonment. This is always a matter of concern to me as I am an addict of the “vape” and haven’t used cigarettes for over a decade. Last year Thailand legalised cannabis in all its forms and there are myriads of shops selling the green leaf everywhere. There is nowhere “legal” selling vapes. I shall return to this subject of how I managed once clear of Thai jurisdiction in case the internet police are monitoring my blob.

As we set off to explore the town we noticed we were being stalked by a small red Tuk Tuk van. Eventually he pulled up in front of us and accosted us on the pavement. He produced a battered map and explained all the wonderful places he could take us in his magical red machine. He was a small jolly smiley Thai guy around  the same age as us and crispy immediately melted for his charm. He continued to explain where we could go and that he would be our transport for the day. After a little negotiating we agreed to his offer and that the itinerary would be his choice as long as it was age appropriate. I had not really planned to do any sightseeing here as I expected us both to be jet lagged from the flight and as such had not researched what there was to see.  It turned out to be a fantastic choice. 

The Elephants.

We are wary of any “attraction” that involves animals. We would not want to be party to anything that wasn’t ethical or involved animal cruelty. Especially in the case of Elephants. We have rode, washed and walked with these amazing creatures many times and have a great respect for them. We decided to visit the sanctuary to see what the situation was and decide if we were willing to partake in it. As it turns out the Sanctuary since Covid has been a refuge for dozens of elephants that used to be in private control. During the terrible lockdown when travel was suspended these animals faced a very uncertain future as it takes a huge amount of money to support and care for them. The average elephant will eat up to 50kg of food a day and if no one is there to pay to see them then it is a huge impossible burden on the owner. Not only this but  the government imposes very strict regulations on the care, veterinary needs and welfare of every individual animal. Many were abandoned or neglected and this sanctuary was essential in taking over their care. The animals were in great shape, well looked after and seemed very happy. I saw no evidence of abuse or exploitation. When we spent some time with elephants in India the mahout explained that you can tell if an elephant is happy and relaxed by its ears, eyes and tail. If happy the discolouration on the ears and trunk becomes more vivid. If it’s dark or dull then the elephant is stressed or frightened. If it swishes it’s tail gently then it is happy, if the tail hangs straight then it is stressed, if the tail stands erect then it is angry or frightened. Also a happy elephant will have “sleepy eyes”. Half closed and relaxed. If an elephant is staring wide eyed then it’s not a happy bunny and you would be well advised to give it a wide berth.

All these guys looked happy, swishy and content. No chains and the riders seemed very emotionally attached to their particular beast. Ours was called Omani and was a young lady of 25 years. We didn’t get her full back story as the riders English was not great but she seemed very relaxed and playful.

She took us for a ride around a well used hill track and seemed chuffed when Crispy fed her the banana that we had bought for just such an occasion. After we had alighted and said our goodbyes to Omani we again boarded the red mystery machine and were whisked off to see……

The Tigers.

We have no experience of these huge terrifying beasts on an up close and personal level. Probably for good reason because as a rule you only get one experience of an up close and personal interaction with a Tiger. The closest I have been in the past was when I was trekking in Nepal many years ago. We were staying in a small village high in the Himalaya and one of these scary beasts came into the village to grab a goat. I didn’t see it on that occasion but for my money that was good enough. I think I’ve mentioned this tale in a previous blob.

This attraction was called Tiger Kingdom and we had no real idea of what it would involve. As we left the little red mystery machine we noticed lots of posters showing photographs of visitors WITH The tigers. Not just with the tigers but actually WITH the tigers. Inside their compounds cuddling them, stroking them etc. Crispy was thrilled at the prospect of climbing into a cage with one of the worlds biggest predators. I was not so enamoured. I am not soft when it comes to doing crazy stuff and I will be first in line to do anything adventurous. Bungee jumping, abseiling nothing fills me with trepidation. In fact for my birthday dear old Crispy has bought me a wing walking experience and I can’t wait but cuddling a full grown Tiger even for me seemed a little dodgy. On purchasing your entry ticket you have to choose the Tiger you wish to get intimate with by weight. So a baby cub ( sounds reasonable) right up to a “giant” ( sounds ridiculous). Crispy chose a  “big” tiger. She would have gone for the giant but recently it’s turned a bit naughty and is pretty fractious.  As such it is awaiting retirement before it actually eats a paying guest.

It’s a little bizarre but here’s how it works. You choose the size of tiger that you would like to cuddle. Then you fill in a disclaimer that says if the tiger is not happy and decides to eat you then the company can in no way be held responsible because no one in the right mind should willingly walk into an enclosure and grab hold of a tiger.  Then once the legal bit is sorted you are given a ticket with a time slot to go and wait outside the tigers cage.  The cage that we were willingly going to walk into housed three Very Big tigers and two very small Thai guys armed only with a 12 inch piece of bamboo. Crispy was very relaxed as if she was going to see the neighbours new puppy. I was not. These things were huge, free roaming and for my money looked a tad hungry. There was a big sign by the gate reassuring you that the tigers were friendly but had all their own teeth and claws and were in no way sedated ( as a sedated tiger was unpredictable). Before we were allowed in we had to read a list of instructions. Do NOT approach the tiger from the front. DO NOT make any sudden movements. DO NOT touch the tigers paws. DO NOT make any loud noises. DO NOT RUN. The three huge tigers were lying and chilling in the compound, as we entered the largest sat up and fixed us with a steely glare. The guide led us directly to this magnificent creature. It’s hard to know just how big these things are until your standing next to one. “OK” the guide said to Crispy. Sit next to it “slowly”. I could see the beast tense. “Stroke it firmly, give her a massage”. Crispy was fearless she sat next to the tiger and stroked its back like it was a kitten. “Ok” he said next, “lift its tail”. I was not best pleased at this prospect. I have read rudyard Kipling and seen the jungle book so had a fairly good idea of what happens when you grab a Tigers tail. Crispy without wavering reached down and lifted the huge tail. There was no where to run if the thing growled leapt up and decided to eat us. Plus the rules said you were not allowed to run. The tiger purred and lay still. It was for me a scary but exhilarating experience. After a good while it was my turn to manhandle the monster which i did under protest but no where near as confidently as good old Crispy. After that the tiger was getting fractious so the guide took us to another one that was sleeping close to the fence. Crispy was instructed to slowly lie down with the beast and put her head on its back and “stroke her tummy” which she did without hesitation. He asked me to do the same but I politely refused. There was no way I was lying down in there with three huge tigers. I’ve seen every episode of planet earth and know better. 

It was an experience like no other and something that not many people will get chance to do. I was very nervous about it, I don’t even trust someone else’s dog not to rip my face off, 

Crispy was amazingly fearless. She loved it and is a braver soul than me. As a footnote the tigers are all hand raised from birth and protected by several foundations. When they get old and grumpy like the Giant they are moved to a jungle park near Chang Mai to live out a happy retirement in a special reserve. Fantastic.

The viewpoint, temple and crocodile farm.

After finishing our time at the tigers without being eaten we got a text from Big Jim the son in law asking if we had visited the crocodile farm. ?crocodile farm, we knew nothing about a crocodile farm. Well if crispy wants to cuddle crocodile to make today a hat trick why not. We spoke to the driver of the little red mystery machine and we were off. But first we stopped at the view point for a spot of lunch. A quick break on the highest point of Phuket. There were lots of monkey about so I wasn’t bothered about spending any time here. I fecking hate monkeys. Enough to say we grabbed a cheeky beer and a bite to eat before moving onto the golden Buddha temple. I had read about this and it was the only thing in Phuket that I put on the list of things to do before arriving. A spectacular golden statue of the Lord Buddha. Resplendent in a gilt clad temple high on the hill side. Buddhist temples are always grounding. Serene spaces amongst what is usually chaotic surroundings. We have spent many happy hours in these places. Crispy loves a good Buddha and this was no different, she knelt before the statue and lit candles to those we have loved and lost. I have mentioned before our philosophy on God and will no doubt expound upon it again during a quiet night on the islands after too many Singha. We don’t expect anybody else to adopt this philosophy but it certainly works for us. 

Spiritualy revilatilised we set off for the crocodiles. I suppose in the scheme of things it was interesting watching people interact with these giant creatures but it was disappointing after the wonderful experiences with the elephants and tigers. It was basically some Thai guy putting various parts of his anatomy inside the giant jaws of a huge crocodile.   I’m sure it takes a lot of training but we were secretly hoping the crocodile would bite something off to move the show along.

After the crocodiles it was a quick detour that involved “ the contraband” . As stated before I shall illuminate at some future period to avoid any involvement with the Thai police and a lengthy jail sentence, 

All I  shall say at this point is that it was an interesting detour.

Home showered and onto the night market for tea. A fantastic pop up market in the old town. Tat stalls, amazing food stalls and very cheap beer. Crispy is under the air con, feeling the effects of several sex on the beach and I am trying to finish this protracted blob after imbibing several of the aforementioned cheap beers. The photos are on several devices so I shall attempt to insert what is available. All in all a fantastic start of what is set to be a fantastic adventure.

Bare and Crispy, signing off, Phuket old town, Thailand

Ps. I'm struggling to get the pics  off Crispy's phone so I'll update when I can work it out🤞