Homeward bound

Well the day has arrived as we knew it must. We had a very pleasant evening yesterday. The hotel invited us to dine in their very nice restaurant "on the house". Don't know why but I guess they like us. Posh "relatively speaking" hotels are very nice but they do have a downside. The rest of the guests. Usually French or European tossers that have a few euros in their pocket and consider themselves superior to people working there. Needless to say there are some here. Crispy and I like to think that we certainly do not have this colonial mentality and certainly do not feel superior to anyone. In fact most of the time we are either full of admiration for the people we meet or, like the guy from Mizorum, humbled by their stories.
Maybe thats why we got the free dinner.

I spent a good hour on the balcony with a very pleasant young chap who works in reception trying to explain the basics of  Freemasonry. He hopes to work in airport management and is working here to fund his university degree. He was intrigued when Captain Sonhi came and wanted to know more about the craft as he lives near the masonic hall but knew nothing about it other than it was considered the "anti Christ temple". I spent most of the hour trying to convince him that we don't sacrifice children and eat babies for lunch. I think Freemasonry in India needs to work on its PR.

We fly at 20:55 tonight to Abu Dahbi then onto Manchester.
The trip has been amazing in every possible way. We have both loved every minute. From the Coast to the mountains we have seen some amazing sights, met some great people and done not a little adventuring. The only question remaining is "where next?"
(After a weekend in Abbey at the Hawkshead Christmas Markets of course).......................

Bare and Crispy, Preparing to leave Cochin, Kerala, Southern India

Singing the blues

Last night we went out to a great little rooftop resauraunt. One of the guys waiting on there looked Nepalese so we asked him where he came from. He enthrawled us with the most amazing story that I feel needs passing on as an inspiration to us all.
The guy, aged twenty three, comes from the far North East part of India in the state of Mizorum. Its the most easterly state in India and borders Myanmar (Burma). He is the son of a missionary in a very remote part of the country and his family as well as missionaries are subsistence farmers. That means no income at all apart from what you can grow or harvest from the jungle.
He is in Kerala studying for a doctorate in divinity and has been here for two years after completing a Masters in theology and education. His aim is to become a missionary and introduce education into the state of Mizorum as none currently exists.
Mizorum is a jungle covered mountainous area with virtually no infrastructure outside of the one main city. Many of the people outside of the town still follow ancient spirit religions. Only a few western missionaries ever go to this remote region.
He works eleven hours a day for a few ruppees when he has no lectures and studies early morning and late at night (he had his textbooks with him in case the restaurant was quiet). Thus far his education has cost over thirty thousand ruppees that he has had to earn himself. He gets no support from his parents as they themselves don't have any money.
It takes him seven days to get home to mizorum and a further two days to get back to his village after the final bus stop.
He paid for his initial train ticket to Kerala (for missionary school) by spending two months in the jungle with his farther cutting down a large teak tree, sawing it into planks by hand and carrying each one three hours back to his village to sell for 30 ruppees a plank. He has been home once since starting his education.
I have seldom come across a more remarkable man. His passion for his home is such that nothing, absolutely nothing will stop this man from attaining his goals. I was humbled by him.
Just let some spotty smelly little shite from Bolton tech, oops university, grumble to me about how hard student life is.

Just before we were leaving the restaurant a guy came up to us and started talking. He looked like a very good friend of mine who we affectionately call Cookie, but with the world's best suntan. His mannerisms, laugh and general attitude were a mirror reflection of my friend.  It  turns out he is a musician that has worked all over the place but lastly in the Maldives. He rates himself as the worlds greatest Dylan fan. (Sorry Cookie but you have bern usurped). Before long he had his guitar in hand and was "getting down" with some Dylan, Clapton and other blues. It was another surreal experience. Sat on a balcony, overlooking a side street,  in Southern India with a sunkissed version of my friend singing the blues.

We have had the great pleasure of meeting some amazing  people so far. I think its one of the best parts of travelling.

Other than that its been a lovely relaxing day. Our return to good old Blighty is looming large so I am giving Crispy every opportunity to relax in the sunshine. Looking at Google weather it seems its grim up north.

Bare and Crispy signing off, Cochin, Kerala, India

Cochin lodge 4359


Crispy was determined to spend money. She has been very restrained over the past two weeks. Mostly because the temptation has been reduced by there being nothing to buy of any merit. Today she was determined to go full on and spend as much as she could on tourist momentoes and a new outfit.
Buying anything here, other that essentials is almost as bad as bartering for a tuk tuk.
Its an endless back and fro of  "how much" ' no way" "but its best quality sir" "your having a laugh" "excuse me sir I'm no laughing" " I'll give you thirty" "no sir not possible, two hundred" "OK, forget it" " OK sir one hundred" " its thirty or nothing" " OK, your my first business today, give me fifty" " no thirty" " OK sir 35" "thirty, you have five seconds, 5,4,3,2, " "OK sir thirty, no problem". It took two hours to buy five sticks of incence and a pen.
Its exhausting. I just wish they would put sticker prices on things. There's a lot to be said for sticker prices. When we go home I am going to start a national "let's celebrate price sticker day" In my opinion they are terribly under appreciated.

My favourites are pound shops. I always enjoy taking random items to the spotty youth behind the counter and asking" excuse me. How much is this?". The answer is always "its a pound". A few minutes later returning with another item asking"how much is this please. There's no price on it". "Its a pound". I know its purile but I like to see how many times I can do it before the shop assistant gets wazzed off and loses their temper or develops a nose bleed. You should try it..

After four hours and three purchases totalling less than four pounds Crispy gave up and we returned to the hotel.

It was just as well as Captain Sonhi, the secretary of Cochin lodge, was due to pick us up and take us to his Hall. Sonhi is the most lovely man. 73 years old and a retired sea Captain. We had a wonderful couple of hours with him discussing masonry (that's freemasonry, not stones) and asking each other about the similarities and differences between our lodges.
He gave me a comemmerative plate to give to the lodge. We have arranged to keep in touch and try and keep each other updated about what our lodges are doing.

The suns setting and we are going to get ready for dinner.
Oh, the pizza's were absolutley amazing. I think Crispy is going to insist we go there again tonight. The restaurant owner, Thomas, has worked both in Italy and on the cruise ships as a chef and certainly knows his pizza. It was a great surprise.

Bare and Crispy signing off, Cochin, Kerala, India

All square.

What a thoroughly civilised day. Great nights sleep. Lovely breakfast. Leisurely walk around old Cochin. There is a jain temple here and we wanted to see it. We did a whistle stop tour of the major sights when we first arrived here before setting out on our adventuring. Today was temple day, by day I mean morning as Good ole Crispy was adamant she was going in the pool at the hotel. We set of walking but as always I underestimated the distances involved.  I love walking and can go for hours. Crispy gets fed up pretty quickly, remember the "ups" and "downs" in Pooley Bridge, so we succumbed to a Tuk tuk.
It was a good choice as it turned out as the Jain temple was miles away and has strict opening hours for "non Jains".
Jainism is a strange off shoot of Hinduism that is more akin to Buddhist ideology.
They don't believe in a god or omnipotent diety. They beieve in Karma. The easiest way to think of this is that the purpose of the game is too get rid of your karma. Karma are invisible particles of negativity. Think of dust. If you do or think bad things then karma (or the dust) sticks to you and you have to think and do good things to shake it off. You can't get a better life if your covered in dust. That's Jainism in a nutshell. We also went to a huge six hundred year old Hindu temple but non Hindus were not allowed in. Met a lovely old guy outside though that told us all about it.

Then back to the hotel for a swim. It was at this point that I remembered that I had not brought any swimming shorts.
My views on swimming pools are well known. I am an avid hater of these self contained pools of bacterial soup. This time though I will make an exception as the sea is out of bounds due to the currents.
We called into a local tailor who knocked me up a pair in under ten minutes. They may not be adidas (other brands of sportswear are available) but they certainly do the job. From now on these are going to be MY favourite holiday shorts.

                                       Sorry about the legs.

Back to the hotel and into the pool. Whilst Crispy was happily splashing about in the water I surfed around Google.
As my friends will know, I am a Freemason. A fact I am very proud of and have no problem sharing with anyone interested enough to ask.
I discovered that there was a Freemasons hall around ten minutes down the road from our hotel. a quick further search discovered the name and number of the secretary. Who it turns out is a retired sea captain. I wrote him a quick email asking if it would be possible whilst we are here to have a look around his masonic hall. Within the hour he got back to me with his telephone number. He sounds a lovely man and tomorrow he is going to pick us up and take us to the hall. It should prove very interesting.

Tonight we are going to see if we can find "pizza". I don't think I could face another curry. God knows what it is going to be like.
I have only ever had one pizza in India before and it wasn,t a good experience. "In for a penny, in for a pound" as they say.

Bare and Crispy, Cochin, Kerala, India.

All aboard... The Cochin express.

Today heralds the end of our major travelling. In the past Two weeks we have covered hundreds of kilometers using every possible means of transport. It has been an amazing experience.
Today I was determined to get crispy to experience the Indian rail network. Trains are by far the best method of long distance travel here and the cheapest by a long way. The problem being that there is only one train track here and that skirts the coast. Travel by train to the mountains is simply not possible as no tracks exist. The track however does run from Alleppy to Ernakulum, Cochin central. Just near where we need to be.

Crispy posted on Facetube, last night, a picture of Ben the buffalo sat all forlorn outside a butchers next to the remains of his best friend. No doubt awaiting his own similar fate.  I'm afraid this caused a furore amongst her face tube friends. Well I,m sorry guys but the truth is all meat comes from animals. Just because we have distanced ourselves from the actual slaughter of a beast by buying our meat in neat little polystyrene trays does not mean that it was not once alive and frollicking around a field. The choice is simple. If you don't want to eat dead animals, and thus be responsible for their demise, become vegetarian. In which case I would have the utmost resect for you. If you do like the odd steak or chicken breast then build a freaking bridge and come to terms with it. Don't moralise about how cruel it is to the poor wee beasties and then order a ten ounce rib eye at the first opportunity. You know who you are.......Rant over.

Caught a tuk Tuk to the train station to catch the ten thirty cha cha saht to Ernakulum. Cha cha saht is Hindi for the 667 but sounds so much more exotic. The Indian train network runs like clockwork as a rule but it seems there have been flash floods in Chenai overnight and as such the southbound trains had been delayed. This is a single track line in places so we had to wait for the southbound trains to clear before we could go north. All in all about a one hour delay, for which the train guys were very apologetic.  Crispy loved the it. The next time we are in India I will try and plan the route so we take in a sleeper train as part of our itinerary. I have used sleeper trains in the past but only second class which basically means you book a bunk but can't guarantee that you will be the only person in it. The last journey I took a soldier tried to sneak on my bunk in the middle of the night. I don't think he had designs on me but simply wanted a bed.  I spent the remainder of the night sat outside on the end balcony of the carriage. It was definitely preferable to sharing.
There are always armed soldiers on the more remote lines as bandits still hold up the trains. How cool is that.

After arriving back in Cochin we got a tuk tuk back to Fort Cochin where I had booked a little surprise for dear old Crispy.
A beautiful high end heritage hotel. Clean comfy bed. No creepy crawlies. Endless hot water and best of all it overlooks the beach. It was built by Robert Bristow in 1909 as his private residence and lighthouse. Good old Robert was a marine engineer who designed and built Cochin harbour.
Crispy has spent an hour in the shower and used every single complimentary shampoo, conditioner, razor, bubble bath (although there is no bath) and body lotion. She's lying on the bed like a princess awaiting dinner.

The photo does not really show how grand this really is.


Good old Crispy she has really earned this bit of pampering. We are here for the remainng five nights and I think to all intense and purpose our adventuring is over for the time being. Let's see what happens.........

There is nothing, absoloutly nothing, more fun than messing about in boats
(The wind in thre willows, Keneth Graham)

A sound nights sleep. We could not of found a better place to stay here in Alleppey.
Sat on the patio, kingfisher in hand after yet another fabulous meal. We have always found the food in India highly over rated, but not here in Kerala. Everything we have had has been first class. Currys in them UK are totally westernised traditional Indian cuisine that has very little resemblance to the real thing. They have been tamperred with so much that they are unrecognizable. This as a rule is not a bad thing as most of the stuff over here is almost inedible to the western pallete. For example, if you ask for a chicken curry over here, thats exactly what you get. A chicken, guts and bone and all, hacked to pieces and cooked in a highly spiced gravy.  Most people in the UK dont want the head of the poor bird staring up at them from a masala sauce. It can be a tad off putting. Also I have never seen a tikka masala, jalfrezi or vindaloo for sale anywhere on this continent.
If its chicken curry, then its chicken curry, but cooked in the sauce or style of the region you are in.  Hence if you are in Madras then you will get chicken Madras. If your in Bangalore then its chicken Bangalore. So on and so forth. Here endeth the lesson.

Up at seven and a nice cup of Chai (get me, thats tea to you guys). Then off for breakfast.
We dont really like "spicy food" for breakfast.  Typically English I suppose but hey we are who we are. I like a couple of fried eggs with toast or chapati. Crispy likes a nice onion omellette. You would not believe the difficulty in trying to order two simple fried eggs. Its as if the chef thinks " That cant be right, Ill just throw in some chillies, garam, turmeric, coriander and pepper, there thats better".  We think that we may finally have cracked it here though. the secret is to ask for two bulls eyes. Simple unadulterated plain fried eggs. Result.

The plan today was to explore the beach. We walked into town as we needed some supplies. Simple stuff like a razor and some shampoo. Mission accomplished we jumped into a tuk tuk and headed for the beach. Kerala is beautiful. Spectacular backwaters. Jungle clad hills, tea plantations and mountain. A beach resort it is not. Goa is beach paradise. Thailand, amazing. but if you had to make a comparison with Kerala think Morcombe bay. The beaches are neglected. They could be spctacular but the locals seem to think of them as a wasteland between the land and the sea and not worth bothering with. Dont get me wrong they do have a forlorn type of attraction but definitely no ammenities. There is a paradox in this. On one hand I think "your missing a trick here guys" but then you look what has happened to Goa with its endless all inclusive beach resorts and armies of cheap package tourists.  In retrospect I withdraw. Stay as you are guys and leave the package tours to Goa. There is definitely only room for one asian Benidorm.

Sat on the beach under a makeshift sun shade and watched numerous sea eagles finding there dinner in the surf. We saw sea eagles in Malaysia but it was amazing to see them here happily going about thier daily buisness completely oblivious to our intrusion. I managed a swim, albeit a short one as the waves along this stretch of the Malabar coast are huge. There are trecherous under currents on all the beaches here. As there are in Goa by the way, and you have to be careful. We never saw a single local in the water and they must think we are mad. But we are British and we are not going to let the threat of drowning from keeping us out of the sea. Its a tradition, if we can swim at blackpool then we can damn well swim here. Crispy, pass me the knotted hankie.

As I said there are no ammenities (thank god) on the beach and as such no shade. Our make shift shelter was completely ineffectual against the best efforts of the midday sun so we retired to a beer parlour. Of course.
 This beach stretches approximately one mile in length and there are
1 coffee shop
1 restaurant/beer parlour
2 cool bars selling soft drinks and ice cream
As you can see the rot has already set in.

It was hot today. The effects of the cyclone have passed and its getting hotter by the day.
I would gestimate around thirty - thirty five degrees. humid and the sun is fierce.

We made our way back into town and called at the one and only money exchange. We are ok for cash at present but I need to pay for this hotel in ruppees and dont want to be caught short.

Money sorted and back along the boat jetty towards the backwaters. We were determined to enjoy a backwaters cruise whilst here in Alleppey. After several negotiations with the boat captains we chose our craft, bartered a deal and set off on a three hour ride along the back waters. We had considered a house boat for the night but the thought of being moored in a swamp for eight hours, at the mercy of all the mossies, did not fill us with excitement. Its bad enough sitting here on the patio. Its around Twenty five degrees and already I have had to move five enourmous creepy crawly things from our immediate vicinity. Christ knows what they are but they have big bitey bits and numerous legs. Crispy is tucked up on the bed nice and cool under the fan. Bless her.

The cruise was amazing. We got to see a good selection of the backwaters. The waterways are the major transport arteries of the local villages. We saw rice boats laden with fresh crops headed for the cities. People in the local villages going about their daily chores. For the ornithological out there this is a paradise. I thought that birdwatching was always a bit of a pansy pastime. No way. Those birdwatchers are well hard bastards. Rare birds live in some of the most extreme environments on the planet. Birdwatchers have to spend days if not weeks upto their bits in swamps or at high altitudes in the jungle to try and get a glimps of the elusive avians. Some of the toughest Mo Fo's we have met on our travels have been ornithologists. Respect.

The cruise was very pleasent and relaxing with no incident to report. Apart from the captain allowed the boat to run out of fuel just as he was trying desperately to avoid a collision with one of the big houseboats. The engine died and we were drifting directly into the path of the larger boat. Thankfully the wash of the houseboat pushed us into the wall at the side of the canal.  Bang, the boat hit the wall and the captain, who had run to the front of the boat to try and avoid the imminent collision was taken off guard and lost his little skirt in the incident. Thanks be to god he was wearing skimpy green knickers or Crispy would have been traumatised forever...

Tomorrow we plan to take the train back to Fort Cochin to relax for a few days before flying home. We could easily take the bus, as its only a two hour journey, but Crispy has not yet been on an Indian train and is looking forward to the experience. The past eleven days have bee full on and not a little tiring. Crispy has loved it. I think its time she had a rest. She has deserved it.


Bare and Crispy. signing off, Alleppey, Kerala, India

back on the road again..

Another great nights sleep at the hillstation. It must be the altitude. A large Indian family arrived late evening and I thought trouble could be brewing. They decided to camp outside our room as it was by far the best view. Not as if you could see amything atfter the sun had set.
It was dark. Not the kind of dark we know at home but dark sky dark. Unless you have seem complete darkness its difficult to imagine. If you can touch your eye before you see your finger then thats dark. They say we have areas of dark sky in the UK but its bollocks. I,ve only ever experienced it when travelling and only then in remote areas at altitude.
The conversation and laughter from our band of happy campers trolled on till eleven o clock. "Right" I said to crispy, "we are not gong through this again.". I quietly put my shorts on and made my way outside.
I got within a few feet of them, as there was only one small light, and said loudly "ok ' its eleven o clock", "bed time". Bloody hell, you would think I had thrown cold water over them. I've never seen any one move so fast, not even Crispy when faced with the prospect of bus vomiting. They shot off in all drections like scalded cats. I tried to remain vey serious in case I needed to be more stern but they must have heard me giggle as it was perfectly quiet from that point on. Hence we awoke completely refreshed. Which was good as we faced our longest single journey today From Munnar back to the coast.

I have verbalised at length about the various forms of transport we have used and there is no need to here dilate further on the subject. Other than to say it took just over five hours and involved no vomiting. We did stop a couple of times and had the chance to admire some amazing waterfalls plus a troop of monkey that were looking for a free meal at a layby.

Crispy loves monkeys. I detest the nasty little shites. We have had some close encounters with our hairy ancestors in the past and I wouldn't trust one as far as I could throw it. In my opinion they are like wild dogs except they look cute and are hyper intelligent. You wouldn't stop to say hello to a feral dog and monkeys should be no different. The last time we had a run in with these little shites, a baby monkey was getting giddy round Crispy in the Gambia and scratched her leg. We had to beat a hasty retreat along a suspended walkway as the mother, who was considerably bigger than the baby, took umbridge at me shooing her baby away from poor old Crispy.

We could feel the air temperature rising with every thousand feet we descended.  It had been a very comfortable twenty two degees in the mountains. We didn,t need fans or air con (which were not available anyway) and even slept under the covers on a few nights. Within a few hours and a few thousand feet of altitude were are back at sea level and its in the thirties, humid and sweaty.
We are in Allepey (Allapuzha, as we locals call it) again in the backwaters and staying in some gorgeous little riverside cottages overlooking a waterway. Only a few kilometers from the town and beach but remote enough to be quiet and peaceful.

We sat on the balcony watching the houseboats and other small craft go by, drinking the last of our Kingfisher from the naughty boy shop in Munnar. It was going down a treat. "I could do with another" I said to Crispy. "Me too" she replied. I needed to find the local government shop.
I strode out of the garden and onto a small country road. I knew it wouldn't be long before a tuk tuk spotted me and sure enough within walking three hundred yards I was hurtling aong in the back of a tuk tuk en route to the centre of town.
The government shop is four kilometers from our cottages in a really seedy part of town. The worst thing about these places is that you have to stand in line within a metal cage with what I assume to be the local AA members. In full view of the street. As luck would have it there were only a few old lushes, including me, waiting so I was in and out in no time. Back in the tuk tuk, which I had asked to wait, and back to Crispy at the cottage. A round trip of Forty five minutes for four bottles of Kingfisher. Bargain.
Shoes off and back on the balcony with my hard won beer.

Before long the sky darkened and a tropical thunder storm loomed overhead. It was amazing to watch. sheet lightening illuminating the heavens and thunder booming as the storm reached its peak. Within thirty minutes the storm had passed and the skies started to clear. During the storm five little lizards sought refuge with us on our balcony and were happily playing a game of tig on the ceiling. There are also three lizards so far in our "outdoor" bathroom. Crispy has not give them names as yet but if they are still there in the morning then I am sure she will.  Crispy loves these little cheeky squaters.

Then came, what for us was, the most amzing sight of this trip. Fireflys. We have always wanted to see this amazing creature. At first we thought that they were just mossies catching the light but as they came closer it was obvious they were fireflys. They are about the size of a wasp and glow like a flickering candle flame. A warm yellow light that starts below their head and spreads through their bodies as they turn the light on and off.  A truly magical sight as they slowly danced through the air. We are so pleased we have seen them and hope they do a repeat performance tomorrow night.

Tomorrow we are gong to try and get to the beach and have a look around. We will see what the day brings. The wifi is down at the moment because of the storm so we shall have to post this in the morning.

Bare and Crispy signing off, Allepey, Kerala, India


addendum....

Not many pics I,m afraid as the eye pod was struck in the bottom of the backpack. Got some good snaps of the hairy little sods (that's the monkeys not us by the way) but they are on the big camera......

A nice cup of tea....

We have had the best nights sleep ever. Desperately quiet and very comfortable. Hot water. What a luxury. The thing you miss the most when travelling are usually the most basic. Hot water for showering being number one on the list. Here we have a three minute supply with is ridiculously exuberant. Its only three minutes as you have a small water heater that takes around ten minutes to supply three minutes hot water. The lap of luxury. All of the previous lodgings have had solar power water heating and as its been mostly cloudy the water has been Luke warm at best.
The weather here should be glorious now but a cyclone hit Tamil Nadu last week and we are suffering the after effects. The pattern thus far has been beautiful sunny skies in the morning. Pouring down from twelve till three. The a pleasant afternoon. Can't complain really. At least its cool here in the mountains.

In retrospect this hotel has been an amazing choice. Although a bit isolated and thus more expensive to get anywhere, the views are spectacular.
I'm sat on the balcony watching eagles sore over the jungle canopy and the sun is trying to break through the clouds.
Crispy loves it, she says she could live here.

Before we set off on our adventuring this morning, Crispy did a little washing.
We hung our washing on a fence to chance our arm. Thankfully when we got back the manager had moved the now dry clothes before it rained. What a nice guy. Don't know what he thought of my star wars knickers.....

Today was all about tea. The countryside around here is amazing. Miles and miles of tea plantation surrounded by incredible mountains.
The tea plantations look like neatly trimmed privet hedges, row after neat row extending up the steep valleys as far as the eye can see. We have been lucky enough to see some of the worlds most amazing natural sights but this place must rank as the most beautiful.
We came across some ladies picking tea not far from our hill station and they let us join in. I offered them Crispy for the day but they said they had enough staff and there was no temp. Work available. She was very disappointed but she will get over it.
The ladies work as part of a gang. The number in the gang depends on how big their plot is and how steep the angle of the valley. Some of these slopes are near vertical, and as such take longer to pick. The rule of thumb is that it will take the gang fifteen days to complete. After fifteen days you return to the beginning of the plot and start again. The reason for this is that it takes fifteen days for the new shoots to grow to a point that they are ready for picking again. It the plants were not picked they would grow into full blown trees. This single plantation is nine hundred square miles. That's a lot of tea trees.

The ladies are paid 250 rupees a day and work eight hours a day for five days a week. They get free tea, wow, but no lunch. The average tea picker has to finish by the age of forty five as they have repetitive strain injuries to their elbows. There is no social security and they do not get a pension. They do however get free health care and their children get free education.
I hope you all appreciate just how educational this blob is.

I can wax lyrical on how amazingly beautiful it is here but that's just going to get boring.

We went to the Munnar tea museum. A small old disused tea factory that demonstrates the tea production methods. The highlight of the visit was an old guy that had worked in the industry for forty years. He loved tea. His only reason for existing was tea. He started with a small microphone attached to an ear piece and when the battery died seamlessly switched to an old megaphone. He talked about tea and the health advantages it possesses.  How tea makes you strong and reduces gas upwards and downwards. If you are getting downwards gas then you are not drinking enough tea. He was perfectly clear that Chinese people never get downwards gas because they drink lots of tea.
I must admit in all my years i have never heard a chinaman fart.
His greatest asset though was the way he commanded his audience. If someone talked then they were rapidly admonished.
"Do you know about tea?. No you know nothing. If you know nothing why do come a long way to be told about tea and then not listen. If you do not listen then you will not know about tea and you will die with downwards gas". He was brilliant. I would have paid to listen to him. There was also a very interesting short video presentation on there early pioneers and history of the plantations. In one scene it described a young English bride who came to Munnar to be with her husband. On the day she arrived she fell in love with the place so much that she told her husband "when I die I want to be buried here". Two days later she died of Cholera. Be careful what you wish for. For some reason this story tickled me and I got the giggles. Crispy had to tell me off as the Indians in the audience were not impressed.

Then onto the huge hydroelectric dam built by the British plantation owners in 1904. It still works as well today. In 1904 we built power stations in the most inaccessible places on the planet. Now were getting the Chinese, who don't fart by the way, to build our own power stations in the UK. Oh how the wheel turns.


Back at the hill station and chilling with a kingfisher. We made another stop at the naughty boy shop in Munnar and picked up a couple of kingfishers. Hot shower, yippee, and then dinner. Indian buffet tonight. I must admit were hitting the Marsala wall now and craving egg and chips, a ploughmans. Indeed anything that doesn't contain curry. Oh and a pint of real ale would definitely hit the spot.

Moving off again in the morning back to the coast and our next port of call. Alleppey. We have really enjoyed our short trip to the mountains.

Bare and Crispy signing off, a hill station, nowhere near Munnar, Kerala, India

Far over the misty mountains.

Well up at 7:30 and back packs sorted. It is one of the travellers golden rules to keep your backpack sorted and in order. I find if i pack it the same way everytime everything has a place. That way your less likely to leave anything behind. When you are in and out of rooms like a vicar in a brothel it is so easy to forget, or leave, something behind.
We are past masters in the art now. "Bag packed?". "Check". "Documents". "Check". "Room clear and tidy". "Check". "Let's go".

Made our way to the bus station for 0915 after breakfast and settling the bill.
Its been great staying with Bindi here in Thekkady. She has been a diamond and I would heartily recommend her home as a refuge if your ever up this way.
Write it down, the Charitsala home stay. Thekkady.

We wanted to get to the station early as the 09:45 is the last bus to leave for Munnar. We didn't  want to miss it. Plus we wanted to secure ourselves a good seat. We like to be on the front seats right behind the driver. Its more comfortable as there is more leg room. You also get prior notice to adopt the brace position if it goes pear shaped. This bus was different in that the first few rows were reserved for "ladies only". We haven't come across this before and we were relegated to the cheap seats behind the front doors. Never mind as it was only a five hour journey. 

The Thekkady to Munnar highway is the highest road in the western ghats.
It snakes and winds its way through some amazing mountain scenery. The buses have no glass other than a front and rear window. It saves on the air con and window cleaning bill. At around one hour into the journey it started to rain. This Isn't normal rain, its real RAIN. Its like going through a car wash. Within seconds all the folding shutters that replace the glass, including ours, came down. It was like sitting on that caterpillar ride as a kid when the canvas goes over. Ten minutes and the rain stopped. Shutters up. This continued for the majority of the journey. Up down up down. Another regular feature of Indian buses is that at some point during the journey you can guarantee that a kid is going to vomit. Usually right in front of us right in the central walkway. There's no windows in the bus so they could easily point the child through the opening but oh no, it has to be in the bus. Today it was a young girl who looked about 13. Crispy just got away in time. She's not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination but she can move like lightning if faced with creepy crawlies or bus vomiting.

Eventually got into munnar on time. There were two other western couples on the bus with us. The first white faces we have seen since leaving Cochin. One was a pair of student types that were doing the obligatory post grad travel thing. The other were a middle aged couple from Oxfordshire. It was their first time in India and I don't think she was to impressed. I think next year it will definitely be Tenerife for her.

The next lodging was called the heights, Munnar. An upmarket hotel with pool, restaurant and all mod cons. I asked a tuk tuk driver for a price to take us there. All tuk tuk in India have meters and are supposed to use them but it never happens. Every time you have to go through the "how much, no way" routine to secure yourself a ride. The driver looked puzzled when I told him the name of our hotel. "Not possible" he said with the obligatory shake of the head and smile. 
"You better take taxi" he said. "A taxi, is it at the top of that mountain" I joked. "Yes" he said with no hint of sarcasm.

I chose this hotel to try and give Crispy a little bit of comfort and spoil her. The accommodation we have stayed in thus far has been far from grand. To make it even more special I had booked the tree house suite.  Which, to no surprise, is a tree house.

Bollocks, I had cocked up here. The hotel it turns out is a hill station situated at 7000 feet above sea level in the middle of a jungle, in the middle of nowhere. Definitely not anywhere near where we want to be. Saying the hotel is in munnar is stretching the truth a tad.  It took an hour in a taxi that cost four times more than the bus ride over the mountains. I am so wazzed off that I didn't research this hotel more thoroughly.  How the taxi driver managed to get his car here is beyond me. You would have struggled in a tank.  Well what's done is done and we shall have to make the best of it. The hotel is lovely, magnificent views, especially from the tree house which is 30 feet off the ground on the edge of a five hundred foot precipice. Not for the faint hearted or anyone with vertigo.
Crispy is not a big fan of heights and to watch her climb the ladder to the tree house is hilarious. If you have ever climbed then you will know that you should keep three points of contact at all times. Crispy managed to keep four and still make progress. 

I have arranged for the car to return tomorrow, and take us to the sights. Its going to be expensive but we need to get to the tea factories and other local attractions otherwise it would have been pointless coming in the first place.
I intend to get Crispy some temporary employ in the plantations as a picker for a few hours to try and offset the cost of the taxi. She's a tough old bird and I'm sure won't mind.  

In bed now as there's all kind of weird monsterous creatures creeping and flying around outside. Don't want Crispy getting bit and calling in a Sicky for tomorrow.
We could do with the money. Crispy is keeping very still in case the tree house moves and we plummet into the void. I guess rooty tooty is out of the question.

Bare and Crispy signing off, At a hill station, altitude 7000 feet, nowhere near Munnar, Kerala, India.

I,m Crispy. Get me outa here!!!!!

Slept really well again. Woke at 0800, breakfast and out. We had arranged for a tuk tuk to pick us up at 9 am to get us to the forestry commission tiger reserve for 09:15. Waited till 5 past and he didn't show. Quickly out onto the street and flagged a passing one down. Tuk tuks buzz around the towns like wasps. Everybody uses them for convenience and the average cost of a short journey is around twenty pence. We have used them in the past just to cross busy roads as twenty pence is better than trying for half an hour to cross a busy thoroughfare whilst risking life and limb. Other than Singapore I can't think of any Asian place we have been too that understands the concept of a pedestrian crossing.

Arrived at the reserve at 0920 and welcomed inside the park office by a group of young rangers that were going to be our guides. Tickets checked. Lunches handed out, and leech socks put on.

I like to keep the contents of a "provided lunch" secret for as long as possible. You wouldn't believe some of there stuff we have found inside these little lucky bags. It can be anything from cold goat Marsala in a little plastic bag to crisps and snickers. I decided to keep this as a little surprise for Crispy when we got to the halfway point. ( I had secreted a packet of biscuits in my rucksack just in case Crispy wasn't up to cold goat).

Crispy has been secretly worrying about the prospect of getting close and personal with leeches. That's why I didn't tell her about them before this morning. A fact she definitely was not happy about.  I suppose its something inherently primordial about things that want to eat you, or in this case feed on your blood.
I personally have no real problem with our little bitey wriggly friends as we got very close and familiar with each other whilst trekking in Nepal. Crispy has never even seen one before today.

The leech socks are thick canvas gaitors that go inside the shoe and fasten just below the knee. Most, but not all, leech attacks are aimed at the lower legs and these socks afford great protection if not street cred.  I was speaking to the guides,whilst crispy fiddled with her socks, about what they use to remove leeches after they had made a successful attack. I mentioned earlier that my preferred deterrent is chewing tobacco rubbed into your boots and socks. My preferred removal technique is iodine or a lit cigarette. These guides prefer tobacco powder sprinkled over the boots and socks as a deterent and the "pinch technique" for removal. This "pinch" is alright but has the potential to leave the mouthparts in the skin. This can lead to infections so is not ideal. As we had no iodine and I don't smoke anymore it seems that we were stuck with the "pinch" method. Ah well we will have to manage.

Crispy is getting really good at her beer Keller lederhosen dance as she practiced it whilst I was talking to the guides. "What's the matter I said" . "there's one on your bag" she shrieked whilst jumping up and down slapping her thighs and buttocks. If we ever go back to Bavaria I'm going to enter her into a competition. We are definitely onto a winner. Sure enough there was a cheeky little leech attached to the strap of my rucksack and stretching itself out in Crispy's direction. I thought we would at least get into the jungle before seeing them but the little buggars had sent a welcoming party. I could see that Crispy's resolve was crumbling. I reassured her as best as I could that she wasn't going to die from leech bites and that the trek and bamboo rafting would be worth the risk. All credit to her she tightened her belt, stuck out her chest and strode off after the guides. Its this stiff upper lip and bulldog spirit that won the war. I was so proud of her as I know she really didn't want to go.

The purpose of the trek is wildlife watching. Although its a tiger reserve the chances of seeing a tiger are infinitely small. This reserve is the biggest in India. It is 925 square kilometers of mountain and virgin jungle and It holds 45 tigers at present. You do the math.
I have never seen a tiger in the wild but one did come into a small village I was staying at in the foothills of the himalaya. It was in the early hours of the morning and we were asleep when a right cerfuffle broke out. The villagers were running through the village with burning torches like the extras in a b grade frankenstein movie. It seems that a tiger was after an early breakfast of their goats. We never heard or saw the tiger after that night but it was strange trekking through jungle knowing one was knocking about.
There are however lots of other wild animals here including over 1000 wild Asian elephant. As we were trekking with a family of eight Indians , the chances of seeing anything at all plummeted into the void. Plus they also had an annoying little shit of a boy that could not keep quiet or still if his life depended on it. In the end we managed to see bison, boar, black monkey and fresh elephant tracks.
After 2 hours trekking, most of it spent with Crispy doing her dancing and grabbing me or a guide every time a leech attached itself to her person, we arrived at the bamboo rafts.
 The rafts were several bamboo logs loosely tied together with yellow nylon rope. Tied to the makeshift deck were 4 seats to each raft.  Lunch was taken in the jungle and to our complete joy found that it consisted of pastries and cakes. Perfect. All washed down with a carton of pineapple juice.
I think Crispy was dissapointed that it wasn't cold goat but you can't win them all.

After lunch we boarded the rafts, which sunk another couple of inches with each additional passenger. Seated on the hard bamboo chairs trying not to get the camera and this eye pod wet, we were off.  The guides had transformed themselves into able sailors and skillfully navigated us around the jungle lake. Again no wildlife other than birds but a very pleasurable experience non the less.

Back to the shore and  into the jungle. Another 2 hours of trekking through leech infested jungle back to the reserve office.
Quickly de socked and boots checked. As guessed Crispy's trainers contained two of the nasty blighters. After a short panic attack we were all set and thanking the guards set off for home.

Crispy was desperate to get back for a shower. Walking through the town she discovered a very small leech had attached itself to her lower lip and until now had escaped unnoticed. Another small panic attack and lederhosen dance and we were home.

She's now paranoid and reading her book in bed. She is exhausted bless her. The mossies are biting here on the balcony but there's no wi fi in the room so I am still sat outside. I hope you all appreciate my sacrifice. But I do have my sprite (wink wink)
She has called me back to the room twice already as she is convinced there are leeches on the bed. Both occasions they have turned out to be small pieces of black cotton. Oh how she laughed.

Tomorrow we are on the move again headed 120 miles over the mountains to munnar and the tea plantations. The bus leaves at 0945 so up at eight. Crispy loves her adventuring.

Bare and Crispy, Kumily, Kerala, India

There be elephants......

Last night by the time the kalipari show ended it was getting late. We had intended to go to the spice village restaurant, which is only one of two high end restaurants here, but when we called into have a look it was only buffet. We were a little tired and not hungry enough to justify £28.00 on a curry although we hadn't eaten since breakfast.
 The martial arts show involved impressive martial arts including  spinning burning spears and other flame doused tools of war. All inside a metal shed with no ventilation. Plus they were using petrol as the fuel of choice. It was like sitting in a car fire.
The lads performing were very good and the show was worth watching. Kalipari is the oldest recorded martial art at nearly 2000 Yeats old
Like I said we really were not hungry but still went into a local restaurant. We ordered but only picked at the food although it was very good. And again no beer. Since last year the government in Kerala have stopped local resteraunts under a 3 star rating from selling, or permitting, alcohol. It seems the local workforce were getting giddy and no one was turning in for their jobs. Now you can only purchase alcohol from a 3 star or above establishment or the government store. These government stores are dark seedy holes where you have to que up in full site of the road. We stopped at one today and I must admit it felt like everyone that passed looked down their nose at us.

Bed and a good nights sleep with no noisy neighbours. Up, breakfast and out.
Today was the elephant junction trip. We have seen and rode elephants many times and crispy loves them. The programme usually involves a ten minute ride around an enclosed park, Five minutes feeding them fruit of various sorts and a photo opportunity. Malaysia has been the best so far, in respect of elephant riding, but this was brilliant.  I usually make some enquiries about welfare etc, before agreeing to patronise these places. So for all the animal lovers here's the lowdown.
In India you cannot buy an elephant for less than 40 lak. That's 4000,000 rupee. That's around 40,000 pounds. Then you need to prove to the forestry commission that you have sufficient suitable land and financial means to support it. The government inspect the animal every week and a vet needs to see the animal every month. The only people who can request that an animal works, in any other capacity than tourism, is the forestry commission themselves.  If the government suspect that an elephant is being mistreated then it can be confiscated with no compensation to the owner. No surprise that these animals were treated like royalty.

Buggar, just lost the internet and the blog as we have  suffered one of the frequent power cuts up here in the mountains. I'll try again. At least we have our beer.

As a matter of interest an elephant will only ever obey its mahoots. Two mahoots train the animal simultaneously in case something happens to one of them. It takes eight years to train an elephant. If an elephant has a baby then it is taken away for six years to a government training facility before being released back to the owner for training by his mahoots. A total of fourteen years training.

Once we had ascertained that these elephants were not mistreated we mounted the elephant selected for us. That is climbed onto her back, not the other meaning as that would have seen the animal confiscated and us thrown in prison.
A huge female who's name we could not pronounce. Crispy christened her Mable.

We rode her for one hour along jungle trails through a village and to the house of the owner. There we were given Marsala tea and offered snacks.
The owner then insisted that we don local costume for a photo with Mable.
Crispy was swiftly ushered away by the women and I was guided into a bedroom by one of the guys. "Take off your shirt and pants" he instructed me. "But we hardly know each other" I said.
"Don't you want to buy me a drink first". He stared blankly at me. The joke was completely lost on him.
The photos were taken. Crispy looking gorgeous and me looking like a right plonker.

Quick change of clothes then back on Mable for another one hours back to the camp. If you have ever ridden elephant you will know that two hours is a long time astride these huge beasts. Its impossible to get in a comfortable position unless your an expert in tantric yoga and the risk of falling off is a constant threat. This constant threat became ever more real as Mable got closer to home. She had plodded along serenely for the past two hours but now sensing home, food and a bath she made a dash for it. Crispy was sat over the elephants shoulders so was more stable. I was sat over its arse so at every stride I nearly split my kipper and dislocated my hips. Still a great experience. Crispy was in her element.

Back at the camp the mahoot gave us a demonstration on log moving with Mable. Incredible to see. I,all try and upload a short video if I can. Then came the best part. We got to wash Mable down, then Mable got to wash us down. Well its only fair.
We scrubbed Mable for a good half hour before sitting on her back whilst she sprayed trunkfuls of water over us. We loved it, absoloutly loved it. If you ever find yourself high in the western ghats with nothing to do, call in and see Mable. Give her our regards.

After saying our goodbyes to our elephant friend we visited a local spice garden. Not the small type garden that the mad professor had shown us round but a fully fledged independent plantation.
We were shown round by a very knowledgeable young man who explined all the medicinal as well as culinary uses of the herbs and spices. Cocoa, coffee, pepper, cardamom, mimosa each tasted and explained. The biggest surprise was coffee. In its natural state the coffee bean is covered by a sticky goo that tastes of haribo. Bet you didn,'t know that. The most interesting was a small yellow flower that once chewed numbs the mouth like local anaesthetic at the dentist. Its been hours since we had them and Crispy is still drooling and unable to speak. I must get some before setting off to Our next port of call.

Excursion finished and back to the home stay. Its raining now and looks like thunder. Earlier it was beautiful so we sat on the roof with a beer and our books doing the washing and drying. Just managed to dry our clothes before the rain came.

Tomorrow we have arranged to go trekking and Bamboo rafting.
Crispy is so excited, I bet she can't sleep tonight.
I still haven't told her about the leeches.





Bare and Crispy signing off, Kumily, Kerala, India

Day 5. Into the western ghats.

What a night. The Indian family that moved in were party animals. Talking, laughing, banging doors. The smallest of the lot, a boy around 5 years was a real pain in the arse. Jumping and running and doing all the annoying things that little people do. Except he was a master of it. Now Crispy is getting on and likes an early night when out adventuring so we were in the sack, figuratively speaking by ten. After a few sprite and cokes on the balcony.
We stood the noise till ten forty five then something had to give. Up and dressed I knocked on their door. There was twenty eight of them in a double bedded room. A sea of faces gazed at me in amazement as I told them to be quiet and the hour was getting late. To my amazement all fell quiet. As they had booked three double rooms to accommodate the full twenty eight of them, they all moved en mass to the furthest room. Result I thought and quickly made my way to land of nod. It was not till morning that Crispy told me that it was quiet till midnight then they kicked off with the racket again. I am a sound sleeper and didn,t here a thing but poor Crispy had hardly got any sleep at all.  We think that they must have been taking turns on the bed. Twenty eight divided by six (double beds) equates to four point six.  Divided by eight hours sleep time means just over one hundred and four minutes each.

In the morning Crispy looked exhausted yet the Indian family were  bright as daisies. They apologised for the noise and said that it was the first time in ages that they had got together. They were now moving off to join a cruise ship headed to a small Island off the coast called Laxdweep. A Five day sail. I haven't had chance to Google this as yet to see if Crispy fancies going some time. I think she would love to stay there, as long as that family has left.

Breakfast on the balcony. Bill settled and off in a tuk tuk to Kottayam for the bus to the mountains.
As luck would have it the tuk tuk arrived at the terminus just before the kumily bus was about to leave.

Bus 667 was to be our chariot the the Ghats. The ride was scheduled to be two and a half hours journey time. This slowly developed into nearly 4 hours as the roads were steep, busy and tortuous. Poor 667 has seen better days and really does not like going up hill. Indian drivers insist on regularly doing the things that in other parts of the world are taboo. Overtaking on blind bends being the favourite. I was only saying to Crispy that it is surprising that there aren,t more accidents when boosh, a tuk tuk doing a 3 point turn on a blind corner on a steep mountain road with a sheer drop thrown in for fun was totalled by a car overtaking on said bend. It didn't,t seem that anyone was hurt but the bus driver skillfully negotiated old 667 through the carnage without even changing gear let alone stopping.

We finally arrived in kumily and found to our delight that the home stay was only 5 mins walk from the bus terminus. The owner is a lovely lady called Bindi and within 5 mins of arriving had arranged all the activities we wanted to do whilst here in Kumily. Elephants, spice forest, trekking and bamboo rafting.
That's our 2 days sorted.  Were off out to watch a martial arts performance and then some tea. We are both a bit tired after our travelling...


Bare and Crispy signing off, Kumily, Kerala, India

All along the backwaters, by the rushes tall.

Bare and Crispy, Anayam, Kerala, India

Great meal last night by the resident house boy. We ordered at 6 and got the food at 8. Home cooking at its best. A great butter chicken, chapati and rice. All washed down with a sprite (+ secret ingredient of course).
Slept really well apart from as we were just nodding off a strange sound disturbed us. Its desperately quiet here other than the sounds of the jungle. A strange snuffelling sound came from outside our door which leads directly to the balcony. At first I thought it was the sound of claws on wood but after several minutes decided it was something large "sniffing" at the door.
It was the same sound a dog makes when it shoves its nose through a moving cars window to try and grab some air. I didn't open the door to see so I guess we will never know .

A similar thing happened years ago whilst at a small village high in the Himalaya. We had been drinking with a group of Sherpas and I partook of a few too many Everest whiskies. I was taken with a sudden need to answer the call of nature and needed to go to the loo. You soon learn that you only get a three minute warning in India and a fool ignores it at his or her peril. In this case the toilet was about 300 meters away through thick jungle suspended over a river. Armed with my trusty head torch I made my way through the jungle to the river. Once inside the small wooden box that housed the toilet I dropped my trousers and assumed the position.
After a few moments something large and furry crashed through the trees outside. I think it was hairy as it smelled horrible, or that could have been me I guess.
I could hear the thing  moving around outside as I sat there vulnerable in the darkness. Fear and whisky overwhelmed me. I turned my head torch on. Then I thought that the light would attract it so I turned the head torch off. But then it was too dark and I resolved that if I was going to be eaten I would want to see the thing that had me for supper so I turned the head torch on again. It went quiet. Then the snuffling began. Sniffing and grunting at the door. Before going to the loo the Sherpas had been talking about the Yeti which is taken very seriously by the mountain people. They wear charms and say prayers to ward it off. In my whisky fuelled state I convinced myself that it was this that was sniffing at my door. I was going to be the first recorded victim of the abominable snowman and it was going to happen whilst my pants were round my ankles.
After what seemed an eternity the snuffling and grunting stopped and I heard "the thing" crash off into the jungle and the night. I had never been more relieved, in both senses of the word.
In the cold light of day I think the mountain beast was more likely a wild boar but the memory still haunts me.

Anyhow the snuffling at our door abruptly ceased and all was quiet. Comparatively so. We slept well and were awakened at 0900 by the house boy offering breakfast.

I had resolved to take Crispy on a little trek today to stop her siezing up and becoming lazy. 15km from here is a bird sanctuary and I know that she really enjoyed the ornithology whilst in the Gambia. Into a tuk tuk and off. The sanctuary is on the lake at korakorum. Although all the migratory birds don't arrive until December I thought the trek would do Crispy good.
We all know how much she enjoys the jungle.
The trek runs several kilometers through jungle along the shore of the lake. At about the halfway point on one of the small estuaries we came across a little toothless old guy with a canoe.
For a few rupees he took us out onto the lake for a spot of nature watching. We managed to see several different types of kingfisher, flycatcher, snakebird and cormorant. Plus a bat that would put any self respecting vampire to shame.
Oh plus a two foot lizard and turtles so we can't complain.

After the trek we really needed a beer so resolved to find one at all costs. We had noted a small sign on the way in stating "beer parlour" so this was definitely our next destination. We followed the sign to the KTDC hotel. These are government tourist hotels aimed at the Indian market. Think Butlins with red saris. We didn't know if we were allowed in as we were not guests but the desire for alcohol over ruled every other thought and we decided to blag it. We walked confidently through the first security check point. Same at the second. Then swiftly through reception and we were in. The request for 2 beers was swiftly attended to and a great vegetarian curry eaten. Its only after we had eaten were we asked if we were guests or not. A few fevered conversations, sideways glances and the bill was paid. We were home free.

Back to the home stay for a quick shower and a sprite. Wink wink.
A large family of Indians have just turned up , staying here 1 night,  en route to lakshindweep for a cruise, so Crispy has had to endure yet another prolonged photo session. We are definitely going to have to start charging for this desirable commodity.

Well night is again falling and the jungle is once again waking up. I wonder if the Anayam beast will return tonight. Time will tell. Tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest in respect of travelling. Over 100 miles up into the mountains. Crispy is so excited that I bet she doesn't sleep tonight.

As of yet no one has commented on this little blob of ours. I have checked our audience stats, get us, and I thus far have followers in America and Nova Scotia as well as good old blighty. Unless one of our friends has emigrated to Nova Scotia since we left were not sure how 8 people in the far north of Canada have got involved. Let us no who you are?.
If people could be so kind as to add a few comments it might spur us on. The comment box is at the bottom of each entry.

Bare and Crispy signing off, near Anayam, Kerala, India.